Today, I Turn 45

Because I am choosing to see value in the age 45, I'm playing out my birthday in 45-minute increments. Each time my alarm sounds, I will suspend my thoughts and see where they take me, choosing only roads of gratitude and fun. Regrets are for another day, or maybe never. Maybe time to say good-bye forever. I'm thinking I'll live to be 90, so I'm halfway there, seems like the perfect turning point for better decision-making that elevates me, instead of just giving me good stories of lucky stupidity.

Who am I kidding? Seems as though the universe likes to place me in situations where Why Not becomes my motto not a question. Or am I situating myself there?? I am trying to do that more, situate myself, set myself up for outcomes I desire. I suppose that's why I'm introducing Dakota Soulshine... meet physical world. She's an entity I believe we all yearn to be, something inside that screams, please see me for me. And then we realize, they can't, unless we do first. Unless you see yourself first, you can never fully love, because your heart, your tank will be empty. How long can one run on empty?

Finding your Soulshine deep within is a process, one that takes time and effort and sometimes money and definitely writing and reflecting and tears and anger and frustration and relief and hope, alongside the beverage of your choice. It's about going through the process to find your authentic self buried beneath all the dirt life has been piling up, time to claw your way back to the type of breathing that serves you.

So that's what I'm doing today, I just decided, every 45 minutes when I change direction, I will do so with 4-5 deep breaths. Numbers man, who knew I could enjoy them?! I'll have to see how the number 45 pops up throughout the day when I pay attention...

Before I shower and venture out for my day of me fun, I wanted to reflect on what occurred during 44, and so I'm thinking, chronologically:

• first Halloween in the new house

• wrote 50,000 words for NANOWRIMO

• first Christmas in the new house

• fun New Year with friends

• snow skiing

• lost my 97-year-old grandmother, who shaped much of my life

• cried for several months after when I thought of her during a long, unforgiving winter

• was ready for spring

• had a chill summer compared to last summer's house move

• kids are back in school and doing great

• and I am ready to kick some writing ass!

Year 44 finally shoved me out of the passenger's seat... now 45, I'm ready to drive.