Alright Stop, Collaborate & Listen

I get weird when I think people expect things of me. My thoughts turn stupid. And maybe that's why I've ignored Dakota Soulshine for the past month and a half. The people were responding, and rather than allowing their connections to keep me going, what did I do? I stopped…

...fulfilling others' expectations.

Truth is, I started this blog more as a journal of a journey of a wannabe writer. When I decided to finally commit to a project that had been boiling for a few years, I thought dissecting my past once a week by answering questions from Pinterest might serve as good practice while working on a novel I just have to write.

But instead of working on the novel, I spent most of my available writing time drudging up the past, and while my life has been everything but boring, I found myself getting bored. Bored of writing about myself, and bored of writing about things that already happened when what I really want to focus on is what hasn't happened yet, what I want to happen, what I see happening, what I have been dreaming about happening for the better of the past almost 10 years.

It's real, y'all, and I can no longer deny the characters who are asking me to breathe them life. We've been collaborating for a long time, yes, me and Time, excavating characters and settings and scenes and the final product of a book someday, but damn, I've realized this road I decided to embark upon is long and full of potholes, and it's hard to see in the dark. I don't want to dip into another ditch, but they're everywhere, pulling me like a magnet sometimes, just come down here and crash, stay for awhile, we'll get out sometime soon... but maybe you don't deserve to be on that road, that wild west road to authorship. Under construction until you finally construct something that just might be worth enough for you and hopefully others to cherish.

It's a more challenging road than I ever could have imagined. And yet, I step on the gas every chance I can, so I keep on steering. Eyes straight ahead, or I'll swerve again.

The S-curves of self-doubt I can manage now better than I ever would have been able to even one year ago, so I'm getting closer to finding my voice and sharing with others in hopes that even those who don't love me or know me can feel connected because we are humans sharing human experiences together, even, especially, in spirit.

That's all I want, is for someone to feel less alone, more connected, and maybe I can offer that through words. I believe that's how the art of writing impacts people, to feel as though what you read is something you either feel yourself saying or wish you would have said because it rings so very true, and to appreciate the honest creativity, or would it be creative honesty? Are they the same? How not?

It's a sense of Truth that we seek, those of us looking anyway. Some don't seek and that's okay because we need all spokes of the wheel.

My Truth haunted me until I accepted it, and once I did, I couldn't turn back. I couldn't unknow what I discovered about the thoughts in my head and how they affected my daily existence. And I discovered that mostly through writing, connecting with whatever divinity helps me discover new ways of thinking that better serve my soul and the direction I want to go, which is towards what I want and what feels good as often as I can. And when I start reversing, to catch myself and shift gears.

Wow, I've used a lot of car and driving references. I didn't even mean to, they just come out. But I do love driving metaphors, they make the most sense to me.

I recently went on a trip with my dad in his 18-wheeler. We met at a truck stop and continued to drive a 300 mile round trip to Fort Collins, CO to un/load Bud Light. I rode with him for a couple reasons. 1- It's been forever! I used to ride with him when I was a kid, loving the big-moving rig on the open road, far away from my rural playground. 2- I'm writing fiction and a new character emerged who's a truck driver, so I hoped riding with my dad would trigger ideas for scenes, fill in the blanks for settting, and activate forgotten jargon. 3- I love my daddio and am learning it's important to find excuses to spend time together. The old man is 70. But you wouldn't know by his work ethic to keep on truckin' no matter the obstacle or age.

Anyway, trucker lingo, we had some fun with it. And I want to have fun with this blog. I want to have fun in life in general, sick of the game of beating up thy Self because why? What good does that do?